Warning: after waiting 22 long years, this will surely break your brain.

Warning: after waiting 22 long years, this will surely break your brain.

Every year I keep saying that it will be my last, and then the lineup is revealed and I lose my kind. Okay, this will be my last year.

Every year I keep saying that it will be my last, and then the lineup is revealed and I lose my kind. Okay, this will be my last year.

Favourite Shows of 2012 25) Nicholas Jaar @ The Revival 24) Spiritualized @ Phoenix 23) Bahamas @ The Mod Club 22  Tie: Youth Lagoon @ Lee’s Palace, Real Estate @ Lee’s 21) My Morning Jacket, Band of Horses @ Echo Beach  20) Tie: Twin Shadow @ Lee’s Palace, Alabama Shakes @ Lee’s 19) Charles Bradley @ Lee’s Palace 18) The Jesus and Mary Chain @ Osheaga, Montreal 17) Evening Hymns @ Music Gallery 16) The Beach Boys feat. Brian Wilson @ Molson Amphitheatre 15) Chairlift @ The Horseshoe 14) Hot Chip, Chromatics @ House of Blues 13) The Magnetic Fields @ Sound Academy 12) St. Vincent & David Byrne @ Queen Elizabeth Theatre 11) Sigur Ros @ Echo Beach 10) Dirty Projectors @ Danforth Music Hall 9)  New Order @ Sony Performing Arts Center 8)  Tie: Divine Fits @ Motore, Montreal, Jens Lekman @ Phoenix 7)  Jack White @ Sony Performing Arts Center 6)  Frank Ocean @ Kool Haus 5)  Grizzly Bear @ Massey Hall 4)  Beach House @ Kool Haus 3)  Fiona Apple @ The Sound Academy 2)  Morrissey @ Rapid Theatre, Niagara Falls, NY 1)  R Kelly @ Shea’s Performing Arts Center in Buffalo, NY

Favourite Shows of 2012

25) Nicholas Jaar @ The Revival

24) Spiritualized @ Phoenix

23) Bahamas @ The Mod Club

22  Tie: Youth Lagoon @ Lee’s Palace, Real Estate @ Lee’s

21) My Morning Jacket, Band of Horses @ Echo Beach 

20) Tie: Twin Shadow @ Lee’s Palace, Alabama Shakes @ Lee’s

19) Charles Bradley @ Lee’s Palace

18) The Jesus and Mary Chain @ Osheaga, Montreal

17) Evening Hymns @ Music Gallery

16) The Beach Boys feat. Brian Wilson @ Molson Amphitheatre

15) Chairlift @ The Horseshoe

14) Hot Chip, Chromatics @ House of Blues

13) The Magnetic Fields @ Sound Academy

12) St. Vincent & David Byrne @ Queen Elizabeth Theatre

11) Sigur Ros @ Echo Beach

10) Dirty Projectors @ Danforth Music Hall

9)  New Order @ Sony Performing Arts Center

8)  Tie: Divine Fits @ Motore, Montreal, Jens Lekman @ Phoenix

7)  Jack White @ Sony Performing Arts Center

6)  Frank Ocean @ Kool Haus

5)  Grizzly Bear @ Massey Hall

4)  Beach House @ Kool Haus

3)  Fiona Apple @ The Sound Academy

2)  Morrissey @ Rapid Theatre, Niagara Falls, NY

1)  R Kelly @ Shea’s Performing Arts Center in Buffalo, NY

Honourable Mention: Solange - True EP 40) David Byrne & St. Vincent - Love This Giant 39) Taken by Trees - Other Worlds 38) The Babies - Our House on the Hill 37) G.O.O.D Music - Cruel Summer 36) Cody ChesnuTT - Landing On a Hundred 35) La Sera - Sees the Light 34) Jack White - Blunderbuss 33) Cold Specks - I Predict A Graceful Expulsion 32) The xx - Coexist 31) Nas - Life is Good 30) Jack White - Blunderbuss 29) Moonface - With Siinai: Heartbreaking Bravery There’s No Leaving Now 28) Sigur Ros - Valtari 27) Wild Nothing - Nocturn 26) Big Boi - Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors 25) Porcelain Raft - Strange Waves 24) Purity Ring - Shrines 23) Cat Power - Sun 22) Dirty Projectors - Swing Low Megallen 21) Patrick Watson - Adventures in Your Own Backyard 20) Grimes - Visions 19) Alabama Shakes - Boys and Girls 18) The Walkmen - Heaven 17) The Shins - Port of Morrow 16) Grizzly Bear - Shields 15) Miguel - Kaledioscope Dream 14) Divine Fits - This Thing Called Divine Fits 13) Beach House - Myth 12) Japandroids - Celebration Rock 11) Jens Lekman - I Know What Love Isn’t 10) Bahamas - Barchords 9) Evening Hymns - Spectral Dusk 8) Spiritualized - Sweet Heart Sweet Light 7) Bat For Lashes - The Haunted Man 6) Twin Shadow - Confess 5) Fiona Apple - The Idler Wheel 4) Chairlift - Something 3) Chromatics - Kill for Love 2) Kendrick Lamar - good kid, m.A.A.d city 1) Frank Ocean - channel ORANGE

Honourable Mention: Solange - True EP

40) David Byrne & St. Vincent - Love This Giant

39) Taken by Trees - Other Worlds

38) The Babies - Our House on the Hill

37) G.O.O.D Music - Cruel Summer

36) Cody ChesnuTT - Landing On a Hundred

35) La Sera - Sees the Light

34) Jack White - Blunderbuss

33) Cold Specks - I Predict A Graceful Expulsion

32) The xx - Coexist

31) Nas - Life is Good

30) Jack White - Blunderbuss

29) Moonface - With Siinai: Heartbreaking Bravery There’s No Leaving Now

28) Sigur Ros - Valtari

27) Wild Nothing - Nocturn

26) Big Boi - Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors

25) Porcelain Raft - Strange Waves

24) Purity Ring - Shrines

23) Cat Power - Sun

22) Dirty Projectors - Swing Low Megallen

21) Patrick Watson - Adventures in Your Own Backyard

20) Grimes - Visions

19) Alabama Shakes - Boys and Girls

18) The Walkmen - Heaven

17) The Shins - Port of Morrow

16) Grizzly Bear - Shields

15) Miguel - Kaledioscope Dream

14) Divine Fits - This Thing Called Divine Fits

13) Beach House - Myth

12) Japandroids - Celebration Rock

11) Jens Lekman - I Know What Love Isn’t

10) Bahamas - Barchords

9) Evening Hymns - Spectral Dusk

8) Spiritualized - Sweet Heart Sweet Light

7) Bat For Lashes - The Haunted Man

6) Twin Shadow - Confess

5) Fiona Apple - The Idler Wheel

4) Chairlift - Something

3) Chromatics - Kill for Love

2) Kendrick Lamar - good kid, m.A.A.d city

1) Frank Ocean - channel ORANGE

Favourite Singles of 2012 40) Mama Told Me - Big Boi f/ Kelly Rowland 39) Wildest Moments - Jessica Ware 38) Girl - Das Racist 37) Tides - The xx 36) Paradise - Wild Nothing 35) New God Flow - Ghostface Killah, Kanye West & Pusha T 34) It’s Only Life - The Shins 33) Break My Heart - La Sera 32) The Bluff- Wiz Khalifa f/ Cam’Ron 31) Anything Can Happen - Ellie Goulding 30) Ungirthed - Purity Ring 29) Get Free - Major Lazer f/ Amber Coffman 28) I Know What Love Isn’t - Jens Lekman 27) Myth - Beach House 26) Speak in Rounds - Grizzly Bear 25) Laura - Bat for Lashes 24) The House That Heaven Built - Japandroids 23) Alligator - The Babies 22) Under the Westway - Blur 21) On Your Way - Alabama Shakes 20) Gun Has No Trigger - Dirty Projectors 19) Bad Thing - King Tuff 18) Your Drums Your Love - AlunaGeorge 17) Heartbreaker - The Walkmen 16) The Mother We Share - Chvrches 15) Northern Lights - Kate Boy 14) Baby Get Worse - Divine Fit 13) Everything is Embarrassing - Sky Ferreri 12) Do You… - Miguel 11) Oblivion - Grimes 10) Every Single Night - Fiona Apple 9) Disparate Youth - Santigold 8) Five Seconds - Twin Shadow 7) Kill for Love - Chromatics 6) Climax - Usher 5) Feeling Single, Share My Love - R Kelly 4) Money Trees; Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe - Kendrick Lamar 3) I Belong in Your Arms - Chairlift 2) Losing You - Solange 1) Pyramids, Bad Religion - Frank Ocean

Favourite Singles of 2012


40) Mama Told Me - Big Boi f/ Kelly Rowland

39) Wildest Moments - Jessica Ware

38) Girl - Das Racist

37) Tides - The xx

36) Paradise - Wild Nothing

35) New God Flow - Ghostface Killah, Kanye West & Pusha T

34) It’s Only Life - The Shins

33) Break My Heart - La Sera

32) The Bluff- Wiz Khalifa f/ Cam’Ron

31) Anything Can Happen - Ellie Goulding

30) Ungirthed - Purity Ring

29) Get Free - Major Lazer f/ Amber Coffman

28) I Know What Love Isn’t - Jens Lekman

27) Myth - Beach House

26) Speak in Rounds - Grizzly Bear

25) Laura - Bat for Lashes

24) The House That Heaven Built - Japandroids

23) Alligator - The Babies

22) Under the Westway - Blur

21) On Your Way - Alabama Shakes

20) Gun Has No Trigger - Dirty Projectors

19) Bad Thing - King Tuff

18) Your Drums Your Love - AlunaGeorge

17) Heartbreaker - The Walkmen

16) The Mother We Share - Chvrches

15) Northern Lights - Kate Boy

14) Baby Get Worse - Divine Fit

13) Everything is Embarrassing - Sky Ferreri

12) Do You… - Miguel

11) Oblivion - Grimes

10) Every Single Night - Fiona Apple

9) Disparate Youth - Santigold

8) Five Seconds - Twin Shadow

7) Kill for Love - Chromatics

6) Climax - Usher

5) Feeling Single, Share My Love - R Kelly

4) Money Trees; Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe - Kendrick Lamar

3) I Belong in Your Arms - Chairlift

2) Losing You - Solange

1) Pyramids, Bad Religion - Frank Ocean

Okay, it’s been a few hours and I think I’ve picked up the fragments of my shattered brain to articulate the interstellar spectacle that is R Kelly’s live show, Saturday night in Buffalo, which quite frankly is the only city I would ever want to see an R Kelly show. Though I can’t even begin to describe the entire show, here are just a few of the show’s highlights: -His mic stand was prematurely covered in white panties, tightly wound around the shaft. (I’m struggling to say this in a less erotic way, but you try giving it a shot and tell me if it’s even possible.) -Twenty minutes into the set with sweat dripping down his face, R breaks into his signature singing-narration and sings, “It’s muthafuckin’ hot up in here, will someone grab me a towel to wipe off my sweaaaaat!” A roadie hands him a towel, then he makes his way over the army of titillated women in the front row and sings, “Can you take a towel and wipe my face! Keep wipin’ it, keep wipin’ it!” The entire audience breaks into climax… er… laughter. -He sing-challenges all the women in the audience, “Who got that gooooood seeeeeeex?” A woman in the front raises her hand and motions him to come closer. He crouches down and she whispers something in his ear. He jumps up abruptly, wide-eyed, and says, “Girl, I’m R Kelly and I ain’t even never heard some shit like that!” -Halfway into the show, R turns to the side of the stage and says, “Man, I’m tired. I need to rest my feet. Can I get a chair or a stool or somethin’?” Two roadies immediately respond to his request by bringing out a throne that was more than likely stolen from Buckingham Palace. -R cuts the music and tells us he’s been practicing some Opera song and he’d like to show it off. He then belts into a soprano solo in Italian, and for a second I’m convinced I’m watching one of the 3 Tenors (wait, I guess it’s just the 2 Tenors now. Too soon? Well, Pavarotti died 5 years ago so deal with it). Yes, it was beautiful, but that didn’t stop me from being deeply confused. -Halfway through the show he has his first costume change. Fine. Understandable. This is pretty normal in high production concerts. But he comes out wearing the same white shirt and jeans, but now he’s put on a vest over top that resembles something I made in home-economics in grade 7. It’s covered in random letters and I can only guess it’s straight out of the JC Penny Fall ‘92 collection. -The roadies move a giant white cage to the center of the stage. R brings up one lucky girl on stage and a roadie immediately hands her a clipboard and pen. We then realize that it’s a waiver, and judging by the girl’s reaction, I think the mystery of not knowing what will transpire in the next few minutes simultaneously terrifies and arouses her. After signing the waiver, the roadies handcuff her to the top bars of the cage. They closed the door and throw a white veil over top. The cage suddenly moves around, violently jerking from side to side. And for a second, my mind’s telling me, “Is R Kelly attempting some David Blaine shit?” But then the main house lights turn off to reveal the silhouette of the girl in the cage. We then see R’s silhouette. And they begin to engage in a serious X-rated shadow puppet show with their genitals on some bumpin’ n’ grindin’, keys in her ignition, 12-Play, fiesta fiesta type-action.  -After performing for well over an hour, he tells us it’s time for Kells’ Karaoke — a chance for him to take a much-deserved break and have a drink and a cigar at the bar (and by bar, I mean one of the two all-white bars set up on either side of the stage, each complete with their own bartender). The roadies set up four mic stands at the front of the stage. I assume this means that he’ll invite people on stage to sing their favourites from his catalogue which I soon learn is an incredibly silly, rational assumption. No. For the next 10 minutes, they play snippets of more than 20 songs that span his entire career and everyone sings along — including R himself — while he drinks some pink-coloured drink (one lady beside me screamed “WHAT YOU DRAAAAANKIN?) at the bar and smokes a cigar. Whenever they play a song he really loves, he gets up and nods his head, thrusting his arm in the air. This was musical masturbation on a majestic level. -And finally, after performing his hit, “I Wish”, he launches into a supposedly touching social commentary.  “I wish all this violence would end,” he says in a solemn hush.  “I wish my kids would turn off the television when I ask them to so we can open up a line of communication,” he confesses.  “I wish and pray for Obama to succeed,” he says with his fist in the air. And then, the final statement. One that will really drive home his socially conscious diatribe. “I wish…” “I wish I could get a hug right now.” And with that, he walks over to two scantily clad women in the front and hugs them both at the same time in some kind of G-rated version of a menage a toi. Review those highlights. Jumble them around in your mortal brain. Don’t even attempt to make sense of the contents of what you just read. Now do you believe me when I say the R Kelly show was hands down the best show I’ve seen this year?

Okay, it’s been a few hours and I think I’ve picked up the fragments of my shattered brain to articulate the interstellar spectacle that is R Kelly’s live show, Saturday night in Buffalo, which quite frankly is the only city I would ever want to see an R Kelly show. Though I can’t even begin to describe the entire show, here are just a few of the show’s highlights:

-His mic stand was prematurely covered in white panties, tightly wound around the shaft. (I’m struggling to say this in a less erotic way, but you try giving it a shot and tell me if it’s even possible.)

-Twenty minutes into the set with sweat dripping down his face, R breaks into his signature singing-narration and sings, “It’s muthafuckin’ hot up in here, will someone grab me a towel to wipe off my sweaaaaat!” A roadie hands him a towel, then he makes his way over the army of titillated women in the front row and sings, “Can you take a towel and wipe my face! Keep wipin’ it, keep wipin’ it!” The entire audience breaks into climax… er… laughter.

-He sing-challenges all the women in the audience, “Who got that gooooood seeeeeeex?” A woman in the front raises her hand and motions him to come closer. He crouches down and she whispers something in his ear. He jumps up abruptly, wide-eyed, and says, “Girl, I’m R Kelly and I ain’t even never heard some shit like that!”

-Halfway into the show, R turns to the side of the stage and says, “Man, I’m tired. I need to rest my feet. Can I get a chair or a stool or somethin’?” Two roadies immediately respond to his request by bringing out a throne that was more than likely stolen from Buckingham Palace.

-R cuts the music and tells us he’s been practicing some Opera song and he’d like to show it off. He then belts into a soprano solo in Italian, and for a second I’m convinced I’m watching one of the 3 Tenors (wait, I guess it’s just the 2 Tenors now. Too soon? Well, Pavarotti died 5 years ago so deal with it). Yes, it was beautiful, but that didn’t stop me from being deeply confused.

-Halfway through the show he has his first costume change. Fine. Understandable. This is pretty normal in high production concerts. But he comes out wearing the same white shirt and jeans, but now he’s put on a vest over top that resembles something I made in home-economics in grade 7. It’s covered in random letters and I can only guess it’s straight out of the JC Penny Fall ‘92 collection.

-The roadies move a giant white cage to the center of the stage. R brings up one lucky girl on stage and a roadie immediately hands her a clipboard and pen. We then realize that it’s a waiver, and judging by the girl’s reaction, I think the mystery of not knowing what will transpire in the next few minutes simultaneously terrifies and arouses her. After signing the waiver, the roadies handcuff her to the top bars of the cage. They closed the door and throw a white veil over top. The cage suddenly moves around, violently jerking from side to side. And for a second, my mind’s telling me, “Is R Kelly attempting some David Blaine shit?” But then the main house lights turn off to reveal the silhouette of the girl in the cage. We then see R’s silhouette. And they begin to engage in a serious X-rated shadow puppet show with their genitals on some bumpin’ n’ grindin’, keys in her ignition, 12-Play, fiesta fiesta type-action. 

-After performing for well over an hour, he tells us it’s time for Kells’ Karaoke — a chance for him to take a much-deserved break and have a drink and a cigar at the bar (and by bar, I mean one of the two all-white bars set up on either side of the stage, each complete with their own bartender). The roadies set up four mic stands at the front of the stage. I assume this means that he’ll invite people on stage to sing their favourites from his catalogue which I soon learn is an incredibly silly, rational assumption. No. For the next 10 minutes, they play snippets of more than 20 songs that span his entire career and everyone sings along — including R himself — while he drinks some pink-coloured drink (one lady beside me screamed “WHAT YOU DRAAAAANKIN?) at the bar and smokes a cigar. Whenever they play a song he really loves, he gets up and nods his head, thrusting his arm in the air. This was musical masturbation on a majestic level.

-And finally, after performing his hit, “I Wish”, he launches into a supposedly touching social commentary. 

“I wish all this violence would end,” he says in a solemn hush. 

“I wish my kids would turn off the television when I ask them to so we can open up a line of communication,” he confesses. 

“I wish and pray for Obama to succeed,” he says with his fist in the air.

And then, the final statement. One that will really drive home his socially conscious diatribe. “I wish…”

“I wish I could get a hug right now.” And with that, he walks over to two scantily clad women in the front and hugs them both at the same time in some kind of G-rated version of a menage a toi.

Review those highlights. Jumble them around in your mortal brain. Don’t even attempt to make sense of the contents of what you just read. Now do you believe me when I say the R Kelly show was hands down the best show I’ve seen this year?

Do yourself a solid and download Frank Ocean’s debut, Channel Orange on iTunes now. And you’re welcome in advance.

Do yourself a solid and download Frank Ocean’s debut, Channel Orange on iTunes now. And you’re welcome in advance.

The new Twin Shadow single “Five Seconds”, off the forthcoming sophomore album, Confess, has everything you would ever want in a music video: motorcycle stunts, a stuffed wolf, tag-team Double Dragon-esque brawling, chains used as weapons, and animal mask-wearing thugs.

If only all music videos could be this awesome. But then again, that might be too much awesome for the world to contain.

Happy Father’s Day, appa. I still can’t seem to hear your favourite song, The Righteous Brothers’ “Unchained Melody” without getting a bit teary-eyed. And while this version pales in comparison, I think you would have liked it anyway. Miss you.

The Long List for the 2012 Polaris Music Prize — the highest critical award in Canadian music — was announced yesterday.A jury comprised of more than 200 writers, editors, producers and media types will select their Top 5 albums from the Long List to determine which 10 albums will make the Short List, which will be announced in Toronto on July 17.The Polaris Gala will then be held in Toronto on September 24 where the winner of the Polaris Music Prize will be announced.If you already forgotten, last year’s winner was none other than Arcade Fire for The Suburbs, which depending on your perspective was a no-brainer.Here’s the full 2012 Polaris Music Prize Long List in alphabetical order:A Tribe Called Red – A Tribe Called RedMarie-Pierre Arthur – Aux alentoursRich Aucoin – We’re All Dying To LiveAvec pas d’casque – AstronomieAzari & III – Azari & IIIBahamas – BarchordsThe Barr Brothers – The Barr BrothersBlackie And The Rodeo Kings – Kings And QueensCadence Weapon – Hope In Dirt CityKathryn Calder – Bright And VividCannon Bros – Firecracker / CloudglowCoeur de pirate – BlondeLeonard Cohen – Old IdeasCold Specks – I Predict A Graceful ExpulsionRose Cousins – We Have Made A SparkMark Davis – Eliminate The ToxinsDrake – Take CareKathleen Edwards – VoyageurFeist – MetalsFucked Up – David Comes To LifeGreat Lake Swimmers – New Wild EverywhereGrimes – VisionsHandsome Furs – Sound KapitalJapandroids – Celebration RockDan Mangan – Oh FortuneMares Of Thrace – The PilgrimageAriane Moffatt – MALindi Ortega – Little Red BootsParlovr – Kook SoulSandro Perri – Impossible SpacesJoel Plaskett Emergency – Scrappy HappinessPS I Love You – Death DreamsJohn K. Samson – ProvincialShooting Guns – Born To Deal In Magic: 1952-1976The Slakadeliqs – The Other Side of TomorrowPatrick Watson – Adventures In Your Own BackyardBry Webb – ProviderThe Weeknd – Echoes of SilenceYamantaka // Sonic Titan – YT//STYukon Blonde – Tiger TalkAnd if you ask me (and no one didn’t), my top 5 choices, in no particular order, would be Cold Specks’ I Predict A Graceful Expulsion, Grimes’ Visions, Patrick Watson’s Adventures In Your Own Backyard, Bry Webb’s Provider, and The Weeknd’s Echoes of Silence.

The Long List for the 2012 Polaris Music Prize — the highest critical award in Canadian music — was announced yesterday.

A jury comprised of more than 200 writers, editors, producers and media types will select their Top 5 albums from the Long List to determine which 10 albums will make the Short List, which will be announced in Toronto on July 17.

The Polaris Gala will then be held in Toronto on September 24 where the winner of the Polaris Music Prize will be announced.

If you already forgotten, last year’s winner was none other than Arcade Fire for The Suburbs, which depending on your perspective was a no-brainer.

Here’s the full 2012 Polaris Music Prize Long List in alphabetical order:

A Tribe Called Red – A Tribe Called Red
Marie-Pierre Arthur – Aux alentours
Rich Aucoin – We’re All Dying To Live
Avec pas d’casque – Astronomie
Azari & III – Azari & III
Bahamas – Barchords
The Barr Brothers – The Barr Brothers
Blackie And The Rodeo Kings – Kings And Queens
Cadence Weapon – Hope In Dirt City
Kathryn Calder – Bright And Vivid
Cannon Bros – Firecracker / Cloudglow
Coeur de pirate – Blonde
Leonard Cohen – Old Ideas
Cold Specks – I Predict A Graceful Expulsion
Rose Cousins – We Have Made A Spark
Mark Davis – Eliminate The Toxins
Drake – Take Care
Kathleen Edwards – Voyageur
Feist – Metals
Fucked Up – David Comes To Life
Great Lake Swimmers – New Wild Everywhere
Grimes – Visions
Handsome Furs – Sound Kapital
Japandroids – Celebration Rock
Dan Mangan – Oh Fortune
Mares Of Thrace – The Pilgrimage
Ariane Moffatt – MA
Lindi Ortega – Little Red Boots
Parlovr – Kook Soul
Sandro Perri – Impossible Spaces
Joel Plaskett Emergency – Scrappy Happiness
PS I Love You – Death Dreams
John K. Samson – Provincial
Shooting Guns – Born To Deal In Magic: 1952-1976
The Slakadeliqs – The Other Side of Tomorrow
Patrick Watson – Adventures In Your Own Backyard
Bry Webb – Provider
The Weeknd – Echoes of Silence
Yamantaka // Sonic Titan – YT//ST
Yukon Blonde – Tiger Talk

And if you ask me (and no one didn’t), my top 5 choices, in no particular order, would be Cold Specks’ I Predict A Graceful Expulsion, Grimes’ Visions, Patrick Watson’s Adventures In Your Own Backyard, Bry Webb’s Provider, and The Weeknd’s Echoes of Silence.